A Day in the Mind of Heero Yuy
by Moon Gazer
Summary: Here's what happens when a bored Authoress decides to take her artistic liscense into her own hands. * Warning, this story contains yaoi references. If that squicks you out, don't read. It's as simple as that.*


*Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, Heero Yuy (damn), any Gundams (double damn), or much of anything else in this fic. Heck, I don't even own this pencil. I found it on the floor. About the only thing I do own is the shirt on my back and that's not in the fic!  
  
  
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A Day in the Thought of Heero Yuy  
  
  
'Ugh. I hate mornings.' Heero thought as he sat up, throwing his pillow instead, hitting his lamp, which hit his mirror, which fell to the floor.  
'Damn it. I could kill for cleanup fairies right now. And a cuddly teddy bear and a pink pickled poodle named Fluffy…where did that thought come from?'  
He looked up to discover a hole in the ceiling. Through the hole is the author, cheerfully waving and holding up her pencil.   
"What are you doing up there?"  
"Bending your thoughts and actions to my whims."  
Heero snorted. 'Yeah right, I think and do whatever I want, whenever I want. Like right now I'm thinking that Wufei has stolen my fluffy, pink Barbie slippers…'   
"IEE!" He glared up at the author who was torn between a smirk and the giggles.  
"Told ya!"  
"Hn. How long are you going to be there?"  
"Oh, I dunno, maybe a day or so."  
'Well, that's not so bad.'  
"Of course, as the author, I can make the day last as long as I like."  
'Uh-oh… Tinky Winky, Dipsy….'  
Picking up his pillow, Heero heaved it at the author.  
"I HATE that song and now it's stuck in my HEAD!"  
The author chewed on the end of her pencil thoughtfully.  
"How's this?"  
'R-E-S-P-E-C-T…'  
"NO!"  
"This?"  
'Now here's a story, about a lovely lady…'  
"NO! ZABENAYO KISAMA! OMAE O KOROSU!!!!!"  
'Oh! I know!'  
'Knock 3 times…'  
The author ducks as Heero begins shooting at the ceiling.  
"Tsk. Tsk, temper, temper."  
At this point, Duo walked in drawn by all the noise.  
'My secret crush…arg!'   
"I did NOT just say that!"  
"No, you didn't," said the author, 'you thought it…but if you'd like…"  
"NO!" Heero dived onto his bed and pulled the covers over his head. The author looked on, amused.  
"Certainly in a hurry, aren't you?"  
"Shut up!"  
"What?" Duo exclaimed, "I didn't say anything!"  
"Never mind." Heero moaned.  
Duo shrugged, puzzled, before walking over to the hole in the ceiling.  
"Hullo. I thought you were harassing Wufei today?"  
"I was, but he and Treize hit it off faster than expected. I decided to give them some privacy."  
A low mutter that sounded decidedly like a complaint came from the direction of the bed. The author grinned, delighted.  
"What's the matter, Heero? Lonely?"  
'Yes.'  
"No."  
"Liar."  
"Omae O Korusu."  
"You're repeating yourself."  
Duo looked at the author, then at the lump on the bed and shrugged.  
"Well, I gotta get going."  
"Kay, hey come and visit me soon!"  
"Will do, Miss Author Lady. Bye!"  
Heero peeked out from under the blanket,  
"Not willingly.",  
and watched Duo leave the room, a strange look in his eyes.  
"There's nothing strange about this look. This is my 'you have 5 seconds to live' look."  
"Don't make me turn you into a pile of sentimental goo."  
"You can't."  
"I can and would. Don't tempt me."  
Heero slumped back down and resumed grumbling. The author continued to scribble, looking up every now and then.  
"You know, you should probably go eat something."  
"I'm not hungry."  
"Really Heero, you're acting like a three year old."  
"It's your story."  
"Hm, good point." The author replied and a moment later, Heero was involuntarily walking down the hall.  
"Me and my big mouth."  
"Oo! Good idea! Let's see…mouth…whipped cream…a certain long haired baka…"  
"What are you plotting?"  
"Oh just an innocent little outing for you and Duo."  
"I don't want to go out with Duo."  
"Really?"  
"Yes, really."  
"Well…I suppose if you swing that way, I could pair you up with Relena…that's a bit disappointing though."  
Heero groaned. ' Just when I thought we were getting somewhere.'  
"No, I don't want to go out with ANYONE. Capesh?…why do you have me speaking Italian?"  
The author shrugged.  
"Dunno."  
"What's your name anyway?  
"Well, I've got a whole bunch, but you can cal me Lady."  
"Lady?"  
"Hm?"  
"We just walked past the kitchen."  
"Oops!" Lady erased a few lines and suddenly Heero found himself in the kitchen, in front of an open fridge.  
'What's in here? Whipped cream…' Heero looked up.  
"What is it with you and the whipped cream references?"  
"Dunno. Call it a fantasy."  
"I'd rather not."  
"Well, fine, be that way!" Now pick something to eat!"  
"Is that an order?"  
"Yes."  
Heero sighed and turned back toward the fridge. 'Goulash, pickles, a pink pickled Volvo…huh?' he thought, looking up, confused. Lady looked rather flustered.  
"Sorry. It's something my friend came up with."  
"Uh-huh…"  
'Volvo, ham, Pop-tarts(1) or eggs. Or some Danish thing with a delicious creamy, milky whi…"  
"HEY!" Heero yelled, breaking out of THAT train of thought, much to Lady's' disappointment, "I'm trying to EAT here!"  
"What?" Lady asked, trying to look innocent. Heero looked at her in disbelief.  
"What LOON ever gave you a pencil?" He demanded and promptly had to duck as a loon flew out of the fridge with a pencil in it's beak.  
"Nobody GAVE it to me. I got it myself. You know, that Danish kinda looks like…"  
"IE! I don't want to hear any more of your perverted thoughts!"  
"Actually, I was just going to say it kinda looks like Wufei when he's pissed off."  
Heero gave her The Look before studying the Danish. Lady continued pointing out various features.  
"See, there are his eyes, all scrunched up and narrow…kinda puffy, but maybe, it's allergy season."  
'Kami help me, what did I do to deserve this? I wish Duo were here so I could share this Danish with him. Or smear it on him and…I don't like where this train of thought is going.'  
"Of course you do!" Lady chirped from where she sat, "now why don't we go and get you dressed and then you and Duo can spend the day servicing each other…er…your Gundams."  
Heero allowed his head to bang against the table in frustration.  
"This is going to be a long day."  
'Just like Duo's…'  
OWARI  
  
Afternotes:  
Lady: Well, how'd you like it?  
Heero: This was the most inane fics I've ever been in.  
Lady: Don't you mean insane?  
Heero: No. 'Yes.' ACK! You can't do that! The fics over!  
Lady:*Grins* Say's who?  
  
(1) I don't own Pop tarts. Good riddance. Nasty, dry little things. 


End file.
